I Love You, I Love You Not...

I love you...

• I love that my newly independent little girl actually wanted to have some cuddle time with me this morning. If I have to get up at 6:30am on a Saturday morning, thats the way to do it!!! Normally she comes downstairs and is off and running (or crawling), but today she snuggled under a blanket with Mommy and we watched cartoons. There really can't be better moments then that as a parent! She now gives kisses as well (even to her daddy...He has a goatee, so when he goes to kisses her, she usually turns her face away. This morning, she puckered up and gave him a big smack on the lips and turned and gave mommy a big smile. She then turned back and gave daddy another big kiss!).
• I love the fact that my good friend Britt is going to be a mom! She just glows and I can't wait to meet this little person. Her husband and herself are just the most loving, wonderful, laid back friends you could have and I'm excited! Camping next summer with two little ones will be fun! Stressful, but fun!
• My mother-inlaw and her thoughtfulness. We've had our moments and are complete opposites in nearly every aspect of our lives, but I'm learning to appreciate her. Last weekend, we spent the day in KW with my niece and daughter. We did Build-A-Bear, lunch and stopped at Anna Mae's on the way home. It was an exhausting day, but she loved the all girls day!!! She's been outnumbered in her house way too long! Everyone has their strengths and sometimes you simply need to push past the differences to see their gifts! BTW Build-A-Bear is fantastic...Pricey but a great experience! Can't wait to scrapbook our pictures!
• All the support for McHappy Day...I have loved hearing all the stories of how you all helped! Ayla and I were in London for McHappy Day, so we met up with my Mom and went to Ronald McDonald House. We dropped off chocolate roses for all the Moms who would be spending Mother's Day at RMH. The volunteers working remembered me from last summer and it was great for them to meet my daughter. My mom had never been in RMH and I know it meant quite a bit to her to be able to go with us. We then headed off to eat our Big Macs and show our support. We bought "Happy Feet" and Ayla wrote Ronald McDonald a thank you note on hers!

I Love Not...

• Colds...As much as a love the cuddles and kisses from my daughter, I do not love the germs she passed along this week. It was a long week and today I get to disinfect everything...Do you realize just how much one snotty kid can touch in four days?
• People who key cars. Yup my car that I've had under 6months was keyed. Grrr If I ever find who did this, I will introduce you to my large husband!

McHappy Day

Tomorrow is McHappy Day! Its an important day for our family. Last year, I did my part and ate a Big Mac to support the cause. I craved Big Macs during my pregnancy...to the point that my friend Jelma began to refer to my baby as "Ronald!"
When Ayla showed up 7 weeks early, St. Thomas didn't have a Ronald McDonald house. The hospital was fairly empty so the nurses just put off discharging me so I could stay with Ayla. When they did discharge me, I spent two night away from her and then she got sick. Her body began to swell up and she became lethargic. St.Joes couldn't take her that day, so she had to remain in St. Thomas that night. The nurses made up a bed for me so that I wouldn't have to leave her. In the morning, Ayla was seriously ill. Standing there and watching ST. Joes' transport team load her into the transport isolette was so hard, but not being able to ride with her was the hardest thing I'd ever had to deal with. I was alone at the hospital that morning. Before I left St. Thomas, Ayla's Dr. sat me down and prepared me for what I would see in the NICU at St.Joes. The hospital social worker then came in and asked if she could call Ronald McDonald house on my behalf. The staff at St. Thomas were/are amazing! They were our earth angels! They called St. Joes everyday to check on Ayla and to let me know that they cared. A year ago, I had never been to St. Thomas and now when I drive down the 401 and see the St. Thomas exit, I get teary-eyed!

Before I had even made it to London, I had a phone call from RMH. They apologized for not having a room for me, but said they had made a hotel reservation for me. My first 24hours at St. Joes hurt so bad! When I got there, I couldn't find Ayla...the hospital was under construction. By the time I got to the NICU, I was a huge blubbery mess. The tests that I saw done that day were scray...Ayla had a long line iv put in. It took the Dr 7tries to get it in. He was in the middle of that when I got to finally see her. There was blood everywhere and it looked beyond painful, but Ayla was so sick that she did't even move. I thought I was going to pass out watching, but I knew if I did, they'd make me leave. The Dr. finished and then looked at me and said, "I really don't think she'll make it 24hrs." When Brandon got there, it was so hard to sit and try to talk about it. When we finally left to go to the hotel, we could barely even function. We made it through the night and Ayla had her first blood transfution. By the morning, RMH called the hotel to say they had a room for us.

RMH was my home for the next 5.5wks. I wouldn't have made it through without the support from RMH. They provide so much more than a bed! Volunteers come in and prepare a homemade supper every night, and you have access to laundry, computer, phone, a pumping room for the new mommies and transportation for those who don't have a vehicle. The first morning, we woke at RMH was Father's Day. We had both completely forgotten, but as we went to leave for the hospital, Brandon found a Father's Day gift outside our door. The amazing staff left gifts for all the fathers. Monday morning the director called me down to her office, because she wanted to meet me. She gave me a quilt for Ayla and a stuffed moose, which became known as "Zuess the Guardian Moose." He stayed with her at the hospital and was misplaced only once. Brandon panicked and the staff tore apart the NICU to find him. He still sleeps with Ayla at home. Her quilt is used when she plays outside now. RMH gave me a place to rest so I could be strong for my daughter and a way to build routine into my life.

The whole point of this post it to help you put a face to RMH and what they do. We are always hearing about fundraisers for this or that and I know it helps to see a face. McHappy Day is special day for us because we can celebrate an organization that gave my daughter what she needed most, her mom! So get out there tomorrow and buy your Big Macs, Happy Meals and Happy Feet!

I am not a morning person...I have never been a morning person, nor do I plan on ever becoming one! When I was in high school, we had to do double busing, which meant we started an hour before the elementary kids. This in turn meant I was on the bus by 7 am at the latest. I could barely even function until we started 4th period after lunch. I thought life would be so much better when I was done. Stupid girl! In Grade 12 I worked as a farm labourer and my work days started at 5a.m. most days. The good news it was close. I would get out of bed at 4:45 and drive to work in my pjs. I'd shower in and begin my day. And beginning my day usually meant calling Korey's mom and getting her to kick him out of bed. I'd then have to see who was sleeping outside in their trucks. I'd wake them up and then we'd start our 12hr days. After working this job for two years, you'd think that motherhood sleep patterns would have been easy. Again stupid girl!!!

The past 11months have occurred under a sleep-deprived fog. I have gotten strange looks for the things I have said, done, not done, etc. I used to never leave the house without my makeup. Now I check my shoulders for puke and snot and head out the door. It was clear to me last week that this wasn't enough when I showed up to ball practise and noticed a sweet potato hand print on my bum. In 4weeks, I return to work. This means four weeks to try to become organized. As I lay in bed this morning at 6am with a wide awake 11month old, I thought about how my life has changed...Two years ago, my fantasies may have involved doctors by the names of McSteamy and McDreamy. One year ago I thought on a Sunday morning, we'd all lay in bed and cuddle and relax. Today as the 11month old amusement park crawled over me, poking me in the face and my husband snored obliviously beside me, I realized my fantasy from two years ago has changed dramatically. Now in my dreams, McSteamy would say on a Sunday morning, "Go back to sleep, I've got the baby" and I"d sleep until at least 8am! And wake up to a clean house and waffles...real waffles.

My favourite coffee cup said "I'll rise, but I refuse to shine." Ironically it disappeared the day I went to the hospital to have Ayla. I may still hate morning, but waking up to hear someone singing in her crib and seeing her whole face light up the minute she sees me makes it all worth while!